I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
