he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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