Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
