I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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