shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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