literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
