some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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