tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize