it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm passing your future prison.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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