Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
