I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
