FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
