i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize