did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
