My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize