then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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