You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
