I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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