I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
