i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
