I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
