We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
