I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
