Sry I called you an 8
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize