EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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