In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
