She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize