Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Randomize
