I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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