i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The struggles of a small town man whore
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
