So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
