I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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