I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
