I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
