He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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