i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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