so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
