I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
