Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
