I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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