when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
