My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
