we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
