as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
