you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
