I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
