its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
