Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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