I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
