Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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