just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize