I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Don't EVER smell your tampon
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think I sprained my soul last night
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
