she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
did i walk over a car last night?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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