2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
