How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We talked him into tasing himself.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
