your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
