my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
