Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
