farters have to be the big spoon...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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