I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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