I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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