thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
