i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
