you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
