you guys were way drunker than both of me
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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