Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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