I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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