I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize