Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My bed smells like the plague
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