i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
